[ Nanami tries to think of a place — the cafe, the lounge, somewhere else? But it all seems too public for this conversation so instead he resigns himself. ]
[ His room, then. That's for the best, but the flat-out acknowledgement that this isn't a conversation that Nanami is willing to having in public makes his skin run cold. The cloying sensation of betrayal claws at his throat, because it has happened before — the world being pulled out from under his feet, by one of those dearest to him.
— He's getting ahead of himself. He has to be. Yet his mind and nerves are both buzzing by the time Gojo takes the short trip to teleport to Nanami's door, rapping his knuckles urgently against it while his heart hammers against his ribs, and he waits.
Briefly, he closes his eyes, and he can see Yuji's scarred, tearstained face there. The utter absence of Sukuna. The sound of his voice as he apologized, over and over, for something that Gojo can't even begin to piece together, and would not ask his student about.
So it falls to Nanami instead. It's not what either of them want, but it falls to Nanami instead. ]
[ This is going to be a hard conversation because Nanami will have to admit, once again, his selfishness. His cowardice. And he's going to have to do it to someone he cares for and values the opinion of. The idea of seeing betrayal and hurt on Gojo's face is enough to make him feel nauseous and he doesn't feel the least bit prepared for this.
So, when he hears the knock to his door, his heart sinks and he tries to remember how to take a breath.
He'll move to answer the door and the first thing to notice is he's not in his usual suit. He's in a simple cardigan and sweatpants, lounging clothes more than anything. He was clearly not prepared to have this conversation right now.
He'll let Gojo into his room, which is more of a small beach house on the interior. The entrance leads to the living room and kitchen area, past that a little patio with some beach chairs and a hammock leading off to a small pool. The weather and time of day reflect the rest of the beach floor outside past Nanami's door.
When Gojo is inside, Nanami is quiet for a moment before he just asks — ]
Do you want some tea or do you want to get right into it?
[ Were the circumstances difference, he'd love to just...sit here and relax and take tea with Nanami. He has the ideal suite for relaxing, and it suits someone like him, who always needed to take far more time for himself than he allowed himself to. That's true for any sorcerer, but it seems especially true in Nanami's case, after he had the chance to leave the life of a sorcerer behind forever and chose to return instead. Accepted that burden back on his shoulders, even knowing what would await him. What awaits all of them.
Maybe that's a reminder that Gojo needs right now. That whatever responsibility they bear, Nanami is still only human, not a machine. He can only control his emotions so much.
That goes for Gojo, too. His hands are in his pockets as he steps inside, and as Nanami offers him tea, his fingernails bite into his palms, forming into fists. ]
You know I'm not the patient type. [ His stomach is too tied up in knots for tea, anyway. ] So, don't keep me waiting. Do you know what happened to Itadori?
[ If Yuji met Gojo in a similar state to how he met Nanami, Namami can only envision tears, stress, a near on panic attack. The boy was a wreck and Nanami doesn't know why. But he can make some guesses, more than Gojo can, and the answer only makes him sick to his stomach. He wishes so desperately then that what he told Gojo was the truth. He had hoped it was, that whatever happened after his death was what he thought — Yuji killing Mahito, the sorcerers rescuing Gojo, the world returning to normal. That isn't the case, clearly.
Nanami leans against the kitchen counter, folding his arms over his chest and gives a sigh. Gojo needs an answer and all Nanami can tell him is the truth. His gaze fixes to the floor for a long moment before he finally speaks. ]
I... don't. [ Looking back up at Gojo, he continues before he can get the ire of the man. ] Not entirely. He didn't tell me much of what happened after we last saw each other, I think he's from further in the future than that night in Shibuya but he said he wasn't ready to talk about it. I didn't press him on that.
[ But then the obvious question is — what does Nanami know then? Because clearly he knows more than he initially told Gojo. It all doesn't make sense unless Nanami confesses the truth. There's one missing piece of information here and Nanami knows what it is. He just... doesn't want to talk about it.
Part of him is tempted to figure out a way to avoid confessing the truth again. But that's his cowardice speaking and he staunchly refuses to give in to it again. ]
I lied to you, Gojo-san. About what happened in Shibuya and why I'm here at the hotel. The truth is I don't know how things ended in Shibuya, I don't know if they recovered the prison realm from Kenjaku. I don't know anything past a certain point because...
[ He pauses. He doesn't want to say it. He really, really does not want to say it. But it has to be done, he has to rip the band-aid off. He takes a breath, he looks straight at Gojo, and he says it. ]
Because I died. Itadori saw it happen. Mahito, the patchwork curse, killed me. I cannot leave the hotel because there is nowhere for me to go now, unless I want to pass on to the afterlife. Whatever Itadori has seen, the trauma he's gone through, I only know part of it. I am part of it. When we talked, he blamed himself for my death but it's not true. The only person who can be blamed for my death is myself.
[ Nanami stands up straight then, arms at his side as he faces Gojo and then, a moment later, he is bowing to him. ]
I am sorry, Gojo-san. For lying to you. For failing you. For failing Itadori.
[ Nanami has never bowed like this to Gojo before. Never. ]
[ He had tried to piece it together on his own. Of course he had — as soon as he had met up with Yuji, as soon as he had realized there seemed to be a discrepancy between reality and what Nanami had told him, he factored in what he knew — which was little — and tried to make sense of it. He had even considered an outcome like this, where Shibuya had gone much worse than Nanami had led him to believe, where whatever the special grades with Kenjaku — the one who wears Suguru's skin, he realizes — had succeeded in whatever they needed him sealed to do in the first place. But even in that possible eventuality, he never floated this as a possibility, and if anyone but the man himself had told him, he would have laughed them into next week.
Because Nanami always comes back. He's the who you can always count on, the one Gojo trusts more than any other. Nanami is always there, no matter what.
So what does he mean, he...he died?
...It's happening again, his footing swept out from under him once again, even as he digs in his heels, refuses to accept what he's hearing. ]
That's not — you can't be —
[ Nanami is always there, no matter what. When Haibara was killed, when Suguru defected, when Shoko scarcely gets to do anything but her work...even though he left, Nanami came back. And there the same man before him now, offering him a bow in apology, in deference that Gojo has never seen from his before. It makes his stomach twist and lurch, his ears ringing, a cold sweat sweeping over him from head to toe, as his protests die on his lips. This is real. There is no room for doubt.
A strangled sound lodges itself in his throat, as he finds himself frozen in place, in time for the moment, and oh, doesn't that remind him. It's ironic, really, that Nanami is so quick to blame himself, for not being strong enough, for dying at the hands of a special grade, when none of them would have been in that position in the first place, if he hadn't been sealed. If he hadn't failed, when he should have been the first and last line of defense. Nanami's blood is on his hands. Yuji's suffering is on his hands.
...He doesn't stay frozen in place for long, as much as he doesn't want to accept it, doesn't want to move past this moment, as if as soon as he does, it will be real, and there's no going back. But he wouldn't want to go back to ignorance, even if he could. Maybe he should be outraged, maybe he should deny it or rebuke him, but none of that feels...right. Maybe it's how he would have reacted, a few short months ago, when he first arrived, but he isn't the same man he was then. He doesn't carry the same heart he did then. ]
Y-you idiot... [ How often does he get to say that to Nanami, rather than the reverse? Stepping forward, Gojo closes the distance between them, winding his arms around Nanami's shoulders and pulling him against him in a rough embrace. His voice, too, has gone rough with emotion, held together through sheer force of will. ] Bastard. Don't you dare apologize for that.
[ Even knowing full well, were their positions reversed, he would do the same. ]
[ Nanami truthfully does not know what he expects Gojo's response to be to his admission. He is expecting anger, for lying to him, for failing him. He is expecting dismissal, because Gojo doesn't do heavy emotions and what is one of the heaviest but grief? He wouldn't be surprised if Gojo just... left. Didn't talk about it to him again. His death is not the point here, after all. His failure is. Nanami just truly does not know what to expect.
So when Gojo does the exact opposite of all things Nanami expects — when he moves forward and hugs Nanami, Nanami does not know what to do. He is frozen for a moment, arms at his side, staring in shock at the wall past them instead. What is this? What is this?
But then something kind of... cracks in him at that. Gojo, his beloved senpai, his oldest friend, is hugging him and calling him an idiot and telling him not to apologize and — and he is so very lucky that he was able to tell Gojo the truth. In another life, he died and Gojo was unsealed and found out that way. They never were afforded a proper goodbye, because that is the life of a sorcerer and that is what they are doomed to.
Tentatively, Nanami's arms come up and his hands clutch at the back of Gojo's shirt. His chin drops against his shoulder and his breath comes out a little shaky as he, yet again, apologizes for what is outside his control. He feels a little like a teenager again, emotions unmoored and control slipping through his fingers. ]
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
[ His voice cracks at the end there and he closes his eyes, trying not to let the stinging sensation take over. He accepted his death, he made peace with it, he was fine with dying and yet in this moment, he can't help but think —
I don't want to die. He wants to go to Kuantan. He wants to grow old. He wants to get married. He wants to see Gojo best those old fools at the school. He wants to see the man Itadori will become. He doesn't want to leave them. He doesn't want to leave them.
[ Not so long ago, any of those outcomes that Nanami anticipates would have been more than likely, but the value of the time that he's spent at this hotel has been immeasurable, in ways he often doesn't realize, until they are put to the test. Like it is now, when a dear friend is in need, showing a sort of emotional vulnerability they can rarely afford. Now, it's near unthinkable that Gojo would brush this off as anything less than the grave truth that it is. Nanami...died. Nanami died, and Gojo wasn't there to do anything about it.
He exhales softly, quietly, his fingers gripping the fabric of Nanami's cardigan tight. ]
...Yeah. I'm sorry, too.
[ It's just as he always tells his students. Sorcerers never die without regrets. They never die without unfinished business, without words unsaid, promises unmade. Nanami knows this, too; they accept it as a part of what's asked of them. Yet even so, with whatever reached out to his spirit after death, he...chose to come here. In spite of those regrets, he chose to seize a little more life, for however long he chooses to, however long he can. He made a choice for himself, and nothing makes his senpai prouder than that. ]
I'm really glad you're here, Nanami.
[ He'd been glad before, even if he hadn't expressed it in quite so many words, because for all the wonderful connections he's made since arriving, no one quite understands the demands of being a sorcerer like a sorcerer themselves. Now he knows they have to cherish their time together all the more, that this is the only place their friendship still bears both halves. They won't...have the chance to again back home.
...If Gojo even gets unsealed this century, but that's something he can worry about later. ]
...Guess I better get my ass out of that box, huh.
[ It takes a moment for Nanami to recover because this was truly the first time he faced the concept of his death since he arrived. Of course, he ruminated on it when he was alone and talked briefly to Yuji about it but his conversation with Yuji was more about his feelings than Nanami's. Nanami could not burden the boy with his own existential thoughts on his mortality, of course not.
For a moment, he presses his face into Gojo's shoulder and just holds the other man tightly, trying to put all the feelings he's been holding back in the box they belong. It's true, there is no way to die without regrets. They know this. It's something you learn the moment you come into jujutsu society. Gojo's known this since he was born. Nanami's known this since he was a teenager. Part of Nanami wonders if it would've been easier if he just never came to the hotel and had to deal with the after.
But he's also glad he had this chance to be here, to see his friend one last time, to see his protege one last time. Even if this ends in nothing more than heartache and Nanami having to be alone in the end, he's glad he chose to come to the hotel. It's true — he just wanted a little bit more time, a little bit more life.
Gojo says he's glad that Nanami is here and the last bit of tension drops from Nanami's shoulders. Now it's all out there, the truth, and Nanami is hiding nothing else from Gojo. There is a relief in him that hasn't been there since the moment he chose to lie to Gojo when he first arrived. The ache of knowing he was hiding something from him this whole time lingered at the back of his mind and now it's gone, now he feels free.
At the last part, that's when Nanami pulls away from the hug and looks at Gojo with concern etched upon his features. He knows he was pushing for Gojo to go back before but now he's worried, neither of them know how long Gojo will end up being sealed and considering Yuji's state of mind when he arrived — it doesn't look like Gojo was able to return just yet. If he had, maybe things would've been better for whatever is happening to Yuji outside of the hotel.
But instead of a don't, instead of a you have to, or what if you don't come back? — Nanami asks, ]
[ They both know what a futile effort it is to try to talk Gojo out of something once his mind is made up, and deep, deep down…he knows it already is. The writing has been on the wall ever since the day he arrived, and a hotel is not a home. It’s just that — a place to stay away from home, not a permanent residence. That’s true for Nanami, and it’s true for himself. Everything he’s had here, everything relationship he’s forged and founded…
He doesn’t want to say they’ve been destined to end. Can’t say it, after the promises he’s made. But…even if he can eventually come back, there are things that only he can do, and he sure as hell can’t do them while he’s lingering here. It’ll eat at him, knowing what he knows now, especially. He…has to go back. Soon. He has to make sure that Nanami’s death wasn’t in vain. That whatever or whoever it was that did this to Yuji pays recompense. There will be a reckoning.
…Yet that’s only when he’s unsealed. ]
…Wish I could tell you. [ A harsh sigh spills from his lips. ] I couldn’t even tell you how much time has already passed while I’ve been in there. Could’ve been minutes, or years.It’s all…jumbled.
[ His mouth thins into a hard line. ]
But it doesn’t matter how long it takes. Either I’ll find a way out, or the others will. The special grades only sealed me because they knew they couldn’t kill me. I’m overdue to remind them why that is.
[ He always takes so much pleasure in jujutsu, in decimating his foes, but it will be a rare kind of privilege to tear apart the ones who sealed him. The one who stole Suguru’s body and paraded around in his skin.
[ There is... some reassurance there in Nanami when he hears Gojo speak with confidence of being able to defeat their enemies, to tear them asunder. Gojo is the strongest sorcerer of their time and it gives Nanami a sick satisfaction to think of him being unsealed and hurting those who have hurt them while he was sealed away. It would've been nice if Gojo tore apart Mahito himself, he thinks, but he's just glad the curse is gone in general.
Nanami also briefly wonders if Gojo will come back. He — He will though, he has to. With Yuji here. With the ties Gojo has made here. With... Nanami still here and not going anywhere. He hopes he comes back, and with news. With good news. They could use it, considering the state of things. ]
You are. There's no way Itadori and the others would rest until they figured out a way to unseal you. It must be difficult for them. [ Considering the state of Yuji, he's sure it is. ] Your return will give them hope they clearly need.
[ He's quiet for a moment, considering. He feels lighter now than he has in weeks and is eager to know what's going on back home now, eager to see Gojo return and give the curses hell for what they've done to Yuji and the others. But he doesn't want to push either, knows he's just... a bystander now. ]
Tell me when you plan to leave. I'll keep watch over Itadori while you're gone.
[ After a moment, he nods, a certain sort of weight to it that has been absent for awhile now. It's not to say that he ever really forgot the burden of his responsibility while staying here, but it had grown easier to set aside, when there hadn't really been any reason for him to be The Strongest here. Was that irresponsible and selfish of him? Yeah, probably, but now he knows what he needs to do.
He's always known, his entire stay here was just...delaying the inevitable, really. ]
...I'll need a little time to settle affairs here. [ He won't leave Itadori behind so soon after being reunited with him, after Itadori fell to pieces against him like he had. He also has his other friends to consider, and Sumina...she's always known it would come to this, too, but that doesn't make it any easier.
It's better if he just focuses on the eventually outcome, instead. After he goes and deals with the curses, after he rips that impostor free of Suguru's body and sets things right, he can come back. He will come back.
Who else is going to deliver the news to Nanami? It has to be him. ]
I know you will. I get the feeling he might try to stop me if I leave, so...he'll need you more than ever.
[ It feels like this conversation is coming to an end and that's a good thing. The air is lighter between them, there's no more secrets, and there's a better understanding of where they both are. This makes Nanami feel reassured. So, he nods when Gojo says he needs some time and he immediately knows why. He's not sure if Itadori could handle being separated so soon from either one of them. ]
I'll be there for him. Make sure he feels supported.
[ A pause and he's not really one to ask about this sort of thing, already feels awkward even considering it but... ]
What will you tell Sumina-san?
[ He's not oblivious, after all. Especially after their lunch together. He knows the two are together in some capacity. Which is an interesting thing, considering what he knows of Gojo's relationship history (or lack thereof). Still, he wants to make sure Gojo feels like he can talk to someone about it even if Nanami isn't sure he's the right person for this either. ]
[ The question catches him off-guard, though after a moment, he realizes it shouldn't be all that surprising. Nanami has always been far more perceptive than he lets on, far more empathetic and thoughtful, so that he had intuited the true nature of his relationship with Sumina is no surprising. Hell, even if he hadn't put together that they were involved, it's apparent that they care about each other a lot. He has other friends here he'll need to stay farewell to, but none of them will be impacted as much as Sumina will.
He presses his lips together before blowing a thin sigh out between them. ]
...She's always known I'd have to go back someday, too. [ But like him, she likely wouldn't have expected it so soon, so suddenly. It's better this way, though, he thinks. His unfinished business has been a roadblock in so many ways in his life, and if he goes back to finish it...it'd be better, in the long run. ] She'll understand.
[ A beat, his gaze finding some idle corner of the room, before he adds: ]
She's a lot like you, you know. She'll work herself to death before reflecting on her own needs.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
My room. 0505. I'll wait for you there.
no subject
[ His room, then. That's for the best, but the flat-out acknowledgement that this isn't a conversation that Nanami is willing to having in public makes his skin run cold. The cloying sensation of betrayal claws at his throat, because it has happened before — the world being pulled out from under his feet, by one of those dearest to him.
— He's getting ahead of himself. He has to be. Yet his mind and nerves are both buzzing by the time Gojo takes the short trip to teleport to Nanami's door, rapping his knuckles urgently against it while his heart hammers against his ribs, and he waits.
Briefly, he closes his eyes, and he can see Yuji's scarred, tearstained face there. The utter absence of Sukuna. The sound of his voice as he apologized, over and over, for something that Gojo can't even begin to piece together, and would not ask his student about.
So it falls to Nanami instead. It's not what either of them want, but it falls to Nanami instead. ]
no subject
So, when he hears the knock to his door, his heart sinks and he tries to remember how to take a breath.
He'll move to answer the door and the first thing to notice is he's not in his usual suit. He's in a simple cardigan and sweatpants, lounging clothes more than anything. He was clearly not prepared to have this conversation right now.
He'll let Gojo into his room, which is more of a small beach house on the interior. The entrance leads to the living room and kitchen area, past that a little patio with some beach chairs and a hammock leading off to a small pool. The weather and time of day reflect the rest of the beach floor outside past Nanami's door.
When Gojo is inside, Nanami is quiet for a moment before he just asks — ]
Do you want some tea or do you want to get right into it?
no subject
Maybe that's a reminder that Gojo needs right now. That whatever responsibility they bear, Nanami is still only human, not a machine. He can only control his emotions so much.
That goes for Gojo, too. His hands are in his pockets as he steps inside, and as Nanami offers him tea, his fingernails bite into his palms, forming into fists. ]
You know I'm not the patient type. [ His stomach is too tied up in knots for tea, anyway. ] So, don't keep me waiting. Do you know what happened to Itadori?
[ He knows he doesn't need to elaborate. ]
no subject
Nanami leans against the kitchen counter, folding his arms over his chest and gives a sigh. Gojo needs an answer and all Nanami can tell him is the truth. His gaze fixes to the floor for a long moment before he finally speaks. ]
I... don't. [ Looking back up at Gojo, he continues before he can get the ire of the man. ] Not entirely. He didn't tell me much of what happened after we last saw each other, I think he's from further in the future than that night in Shibuya but he said he wasn't ready to talk about it. I didn't press him on that.
[ But then the obvious question is — what does Nanami know then? Because clearly he knows more than he initially told Gojo. It all doesn't make sense unless Nanami confesses the truth. There's one missing piece of information here and Nanami knows what it is. He just... doesn't want to talk about it.
Part of him is tempted to figure out a way to avoid confessing the truth again. But that's his cowardice speaking and he staunchly refuses to give in to it again. ]
I lied to you, Gojo-san. About what happened in Shibuya and why I'm here at the hotel. The truth is I don't know how things ended in Shibuya, I don't know if they recovered the prison realm from Kenjaku. I don't know anything past a certain point because...
[ He pauses. He doesn't want to say it. He really, really does not want to say it. But it has to be done, he has to rip the band-aid off. He takes a breath, he looks straight at Gojo, and he says it. ]
Because I died. Itadori saw it happen. Mahito, the patchwork curse, killed me. I cannot leave the hotel because there is nowhere for me to go now, unless I want to pass on to the afterlife. Whatever Itadori has seen, the trauma he's gone through, I only know part of it. I am part of it. When we talked, he blamed himself for my death but it's not true. The only person who can be blamed for my death is myself.
[ Nanami stands up straight then, arms at his side as he faces Gojo and then, a moment later, he is bowing to him. ]
I am sorry, Gojo-san. For lying to you. For failing you. For failing Itadori.
[ Nanami has never bowed like this to Gojo before. Never. ]
no subject
Because Nanami always comes back. He's the who you can always count on, the one Gojo trusts more than any other. Nanami is always there, no matter what.
So what does he mean, he...he died?
...It's happening again, his footing swept out from under him once again, even as he digs in his heels, refuses to accept what he's hearing. ]
That's not — you can't be —
[ Nanami is always there, no matter what. When Haibara was killed, when Suguru defected, when Shoko scarcely gets to do anything but her work...even though he left, Nanami came back. And there the same man before him now, offering him a bow in apology, in deference that Gojo has never seen from his before. It makes his stomach twist and lurch, his ears ringing, a cold sweat sweeping over him from head to toe, as his protests die on his lips. This is real. There is no room for doubt.
A strangled sound lodges itself in his throat, as he finds himself frozen in place, in time for the moment, and oh, doesn't that remind him. It's ironic, really, that Nanami is so quick to blame himself, for not being strong enough, for dying at the hands of a special grade, when none of them would have been in that position in the first place, if he hadn't been sealed. If he hadn't failed, when he should have been the first and last line of defense. Nanami's blood is on his hands. Yuji's suffering is on his hands.
...He doesn't stay frozen in place for long, as much as he doesn't want to accept it, doesn't want to move past this moment, as if as soon as he does, it will be real, and there's no going back. But he wouldn't want to go back to ignorance, even if he could. Maybe he should be outraged, maybe he should deny it or rebuke him, but none of that feels...right. Maybe it's how he would have reacted, a few short months ago, when he first arrived, but he isn't the same man he was then. He doesn't carry the same heart he did then. ]
Y-you idiot... [ How often does he get to say that to Nanami, rather than the reverse? Stepping forward, Gojo closes the distance between them, winding his arms around Nanami's shoulders and pulling him against him in a rough embrace. His voice, too, has gone rough with emotion, held together through sheer force of will. ] Bastard. Don't you dare apologize for that.
[ Even knowing full well, were their positions reversed, he would do the same. ]
no subject
So when Gojo does the exact opposite of all things Nanami expects — when he moves forward and hugs Nanami, Nanami does not know what to do. He is frozen for a moment, arms at his side, staring in shock at the wall past them instead. What is this? What is this?
But then something kind of... cracks in him at that. Gojo, his beloved senpai, his oldest friend, is hugging him and calling him an idiot and telling him not to apologize and — and he is so very lucky that he was able to tell Gojo the truth. In another life, he died and Gojo was unsealed and found out that way. They never were afforded a proper goodbye, because that is the life of a sorcerer and that is what they are doomed to.
Tentatively, Nanami's arms come up and his hands clutch at the back of Gojo's shirt. His chin drops against his shoulder and his breath comes out a little shaky as he, yet again, apologizes for what is outside his control. He feels a little like a teenager again, emotions unmoored and control slipping through his fingers. ]
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
[ His voice cracks at the end there and he closes his eyes, trying not to let the stinging sensation take over. He accepted his death, he made peace with it, he was fine with dying and yet in this moment, he can't help but think —
I don't want to die. He wants to go to Kuantan. He wants to grow old. He wants to get married. He wants to see Gojo best those old fools at the school. He wants to see the man Itadori will become. He doesn't want to leave them. He doesn't want to leave them.
He doesn't want to die. ]
no subject
He exhales softly, quietly, his fingers gripping the fabric of Nanami's cardigan tight. ]
...Yeah. I'm sorry, too.
[ It's just as he always tells his students. Sorcerers never die without regrets. They never die without unfinished business, without words unsaid, promises unmade. Nanami knows this, too; they accept it as a part of what's asked of them. Yet even so, with whatever reached out to his spirit after death, he...chose to come here. In spite of those regrets, he chose to seize a little more life, for however long he chooses to, however long he can. He made a choice for himself, and nothing makes his senpai prouder than that. ]
I'm really glad you're here, Nanami.
[ He'd been glad before, even if he hadn't expressed it in quite so many words, because for all the wonderful connections he's made since arriving, no one quite understands the demands of being a sorcerer like a sorcerer themselves. Now he knows they have to cherish their time together all the more, that this is the only place their friendship still bears both halves. They won't...have the chance to again back home.
...If Gojo even gets unsealed this century, but that's something he can worry about later. ]
...Guess I better get my ass out of that box, huh.
no subject
For a moment, he presses his face into Gojo's shoulder and just holds the other man tightly, trying to put all the feelings he's been holding back in the box they belong. It's true, there is no way to die without regrets. They know this. It's something you learn the moment you come into jujutsu society. Gojo's known this since he was born. Nanami's known this since he was a teenager. Part of Nanami wonders if it would've been easier if he just never came to the hotel and had to deal with the after.
But he's also glad he had this chance to be here, to see his friend one last time, to see his protege one last time. Even if this ends in nothing more than heartache and Nanami having to be alone in the end, he's glad he chose to come to the hotel. It's true — he just wanted a little bit more time, a little bit more life.
Gojo says he's glad that Nanami is here and the last bit of tension drops from Nanami's shoulders. Now it's all out there, the truth, and Nanami is hiding nothing else from Gojo. There is a relief in him that hasn't been there since the moment he chose to lie to Gojo when he first arrived. The ache of knowing he was hiding something from him this whole time lingered at the back of his mind and now it's gone, now he feels free.
At the last part, that's when Nanami pulls away from the hug and looks at Gojo with concern etched upon his features. He knows he was pushing for Gojo to go back before but now he's worried, neither of them know how long Gojo will end up being sealed and considering Yuji's state of mind when he arrived — it doesn't look like Gojo was able to return just yet. If he had, maybe things would've been better for whatever is happening to Yuji outside of the hotel.
But instead of a don't, instead of a you have to, or what if you don't come back? — Nanami asks, ]
How long do you think it'll take?
no subject
He doesn’t want to say they’ve been destined to end. Can’t say it, after the promises he’s made. But…even if he can eventually come back, there are things that only he can do, and he sure as hell can’t do them while he’s lingering here. It’ll eat at him, knowing what he knows now, especially. He…has to go back. Soon. He has to make sure that Nanami’s death wasn’t in vain. That whatever or whoever it was that did this to Yuji pays recompense. There will be a reckoning.
…Yet that’s only when he’s unsealed. ]
…Wish I could tell you. [ A harsh sigh spills from his lips. ] I couldn’t even tell you how much time has already passed while I’ve been in there. Could’ve been minutes, or years.It’s all…jumbled.
[ His mouth thins into a hard line. ]
But it doesn’t matter how long it takes. Either I’ll find a way out, or the others will. The special grades only sealed me because they knew they couldn’t kill me. I’m overdue to remind them why that is.
[ He always takes so much pleasure in jujutsu, in decimating his foes, but it will be a rare kind of privilege to tear apart the ones who sealed him. The one who stole Suguru’s body and paraded around in his skin.
…He’s well overdue for a proper burial. ]
no subject
Nanami also briefly wonders if Gojo will come back. He — He will though, he has to. With Yuji here. With the ties Gojo has made here. With... Nanami still here and not going anywhere. He hopes he comes back, and with news. With good news. They could use it, considering the state of things. ]
You are. There's no way Itadori and the others would rest until they figured out a way to unseal you. It must be difficult for them. [ Considering the state of Yuji, he's sure it is. ] Your return will give them hope they clearly need.
[ He's quiet for a moment, considering. He feels lighter now than he has in weeks and is eager to know what's going on back home now, eager to see Gojo return and give the curses hell for what they've done to Yuji and the others. But he doesn't want to push either, knows he's just... a bystander now. ]
Tell me when you plan to leave. I'll keep watch over Itadori while you're gone.
no subject
He's always known, his entire stay here was just...delaying the inevitable, really. ]
...I'll need a little time to settle affairs here. [ He won't leave Itadori behind so soon after being reunited with him, after Itadori fell to pieces against him like he had. He also has his other friends to consider, and Sumina...she's always known it would come to this, too, but that doesn't make it any easier.
It's better if he just focuses on the eventually outcome, instead. After he goes and deals with the curses, after he rips that impostor free of Suguru's body and sets things right, he can come back. He will come back.
Who else is going to deliver the news to Nanami? It has to be him. ]
I know you will. I get the feeling he might try to stop me if I leave, so...he'll need you more than ever.
no subject
I'll be there for him. Make sure he feels supported.
[ A pause and he's not really one to ask about this sort of thing, already feels awkward even considering it but... ]
What will you tell Sumina-san?
[ He's not oblivious, after all. Especially after their lunch together. He knows the two are together in some capacity. Which is an interesting thing, considering what he knows of Gojo's relationship history (or lack thereof). Still, he wants to make sure Gojo feels like he can talk to someone about it even if Nanami isn't sure he's the right person for this either. ]
no subject
He presses his lips together before blowing a thin sigh out between them. ]
...She's always known I'd have to go back someday, too. [ But like him, she likely wouldn't have expected it so soon, so suddenly. It's better this way, though, he thinks. His unfinished business has been a roadblock in so many ways in his life, and if he goes back to finish it...it'd be better, in the long run. ] She'll understand.
[ A beat, his gaze finding some idle corner of the room, before he adds: ]
She's a lot like you, you know. She'll work herself to death before reflecting on her own needs.
[ And she probably will when he goes, too. ]