[ He had tried to piece it together on his own. Of course he had β as soon as he had met up with Yuji, as soon as he had realized there seemed to be a discrepancy between reality and what Nanami had told him, he factored in what he knew β which was little β and tried to make sense of it. He had even considered an outcome like this, where Shibuya had gone much worse than Nanami had led him to believe, where whatever the special grades with Kenjaku β the one who wears Suguru's skin, he realizes β had succeeded in whatever they needed him sealed to do in the first place. But even in that possible eventuality, he never floated this as a possibility, and if anyone but the man himself had told him, he would have laughed them into next week.
Because Nanami always comes back. He's the who you can always count on, the one Gojo trusts more than any other. Nanami is always there, no matter what.
So what does he mean, he...he died?
...It's happening again, his footing swept out from under him once again, even as he digs in his heels, refuses to accept what he's hearing. ]
That's not β you can't be β
[ Nanami is always there, no matter what. When Haibara was killed, when Suguru defected, when Shoko scarcely gets to do anything but her work...even though he left, Nanami came back. And there the same man before him now, offering him a bow in apology, in deference that Gojo has never seen from his before. It makes his stomach twist and lurch, his ears ringing, a cold sweat sweeping over him from head to toe, as his protests die on his lips. This is real. There is no room for doubt.
A strangled sound lodges itself in his throat, as he finds himself frozen in place, in time for the moment, and oh, doesn't that remind him. It's ironic, really, that Nanami is so quick to blame himself, for not being strong enough, for dying at the hands of a special grade, when none of them would have been in that position in the first place, if he hadn't been sealed. If he hadn't failed, when he should have been the first and last line of defense. Nanami's blood is on his hands. Yuji's suffering is on his hands.
...He doesn't stay frozen in place for long, as much as he doesn't want to accept it, doesn't want to move past this moment, as if as soon as he does, it will be real, and there's no going back. But he wouldn't want to go back to ignorance, even if he could. Maybe he should be outraged, maybe he should deny it or rebuke him, but none of that feels...right. Maybe it's how he would have reacted, a few short months ago, when he first arrived, but he isn't the same man he was then. He doesn't carry the same heart he did then. ]
Y-you idiot... [ How often does he get to say that to Nanami, rather than the reverse? Stepping forward, Gojo closes the distance between them, winding his arms around Nanami's shoulders and pulling him against him in a rough embrace. His voice, too, has gone rough with emotion, held together through sheer force of will. ] Bastard. Don't you dare apologize for that.
[ Even knowing full well, were their positions reversed, he would do the same. ]
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Because Nanami always comes back. He's the who you can always count on, the one Gojo trusts more than any other. Nanami is always there, no matter what.
So what does he mean, he...he died?
...It's happening again, his footing swept out from under him once again, even as he digs in his heels, refuses to accept what he's hearing. ]
That's not β you can't be β
[ Nanami is always there, no matter what. When Haibara was killed, when Suguru defected, when Shoko scarcely gets to do anything but her work...even though he left, Nanami came back. And there the same man before him now, offering him a bow in apology, in deference that Gojo has never seen from his before. It makes his stomach twist and lurch, his ears ringing, a cold sweat sweeping over him from head to toe, as his protests die on his lips. This is real. There is no room for doubt.
A strangled sound lodges itself in his throat, as he finds himself frozen in place, in time for the moment, and oh, doesn't that remind him. It's ironic, really, that Nanami is so quick to blame himself, for not being strong enough, for dying at the hands of a special grade, when none of them would have been in that position in the first place, if he hadn't been sealed. If he hadn't failed, when he should have been the first and last line of defense. Nanami's blood is on his hands. Yuji's suffering is on his hands.
...He doesn't stay frozen in place for long, as much as he doesn't want to accept it, doesn't want to move past this moment, as if as soon as he does, it will be real, and there's no going back. But he wouldn't want to go back to ignorance, even if he could. Maybe he should be outraged, maybe he should deny it or rebuke him, but none of that feels...right. Maybe it's how he would have reacted, a few short months ago, when he first arrived, but he isn't the same man he was then. He doesn't carry the same heart he did then. ]
Y-you idiot... [ How often does he get to say that to Nanami, rather than the reverse? Stepping forward, Gojo closes the distance between them, winding his arms around Nanami's shoulders and pulling him against him in a rough embrace. His voice, too, has gone rough with emotion, held together through sheer force of will. ] Bastard. Don't you dare apologize for that.
[ Even knowing full well, were their positions reversed, he would do the same. ]