[ If this was the Yuji Itadori of a few months ago, those words would've given him a burst of joy, a happiness so undeniable that it made him feel as if he could take on the world. Now... Now it just makes him feel worse, nauseated from the weight of the grief that he is causing, the suffering that he has brought to this bright, peaceful world. Nanami and Gojo-sensei were so content here before he had arrived - he'd thought the same when he had talked to Sumina-san.
They'd been at peace, relaxing, finding their happiness. His arrival had brought nothing but pain and heartache, and he keeps going it. He has to put his phone down because his hands are shaking so badly, not able to muster up the strength to reply. It doesn't register to him that Nanami would be worried, that he would be concerned, that any of this might cause problems - he's too lost in his own sadness, the hurt of it all catching up to him. He turns, burrowing into the pillows of his bed, and he just cries.
If he died, Nanamin would be devastated. Yuji doesn't know how to handle that, doesn't know how to process it when he wishes, so desperately, that he had died. In the long run, wouldn't all their lives have been better if Yuji had died when he first ate Sukuna's finger? There would have been no Shibuya, Nanami and Kugisaki would have lived, Gojo-sensei would've survived, Fushiguro would have freedom. It's all his fault, and the spiralling of his thoughts has it all crashing down on him.
For so long, he had something to focus on - he had the Culling Game, and then he had fighting Sukuna, supporting Gojo-sensei - and now he has nothing but the time to dwell and let himself sink further and further into his own despair. He is unshakable, this won't break him forever, but he also knows that this was a long time coming. He can barely breathe with it, his hurt and his ache making him want to never leave the hotel room again. If he stays, he won't have to face them - their hurt, their pity, their frustration, their irritation with him, for lying, for hiding this, for not being strong enough.
He's never strong enough. He couldn't even kill Mahito. What is the point of his existence, beyond being a part in the stupid machine of sorcery? He had the belief, once, that he could be a sorcerer, could be something good for this world, and in the end...
What has he done with his life, to make it worth saving?
It's a long, long time between Nanami's text and Yuji's reply as he tries to wrest himself back into control. It takes too many minutes, and he is sure that Nanami will be getting worried by now. The messages come, one after the other, in a little rush of heartache. ]
im sorry nanamin i understand i felt that way when you yeah
no subject
They'd been at peace, relaxing, finding their happiness. His arrival had brought nothing but pain and heartache, and he keeps going it. He has to put his phone down because his hands are shaking so badly, not able to muster up the strength to reply. It doesn't register to him that Nanami would be worried, that he would be concerned, that any of this might cause problems - he's too lost in his own sadness, the hurt of it all catching up to him. He turns, burrowing into the pillows of his bed, and he just cries.
If he died, Nanamin would be devastated. Yuji doesn't know how to handle that, doesn't know how to process it when he wishes, so desperately, that he had died. In the long run, wouldn't all their lives have been better if Yuji had died when he first ate Sukuna's finger? There would have been no Shibuya, Nanami and Kugisaki would have lived, Gojo-sensei would've survived, Fushiguro would have freedom. It's all his fault, and the spiralling of his thoughts has it all crashing down on him.
For so long, he had something to focus on - he had the Culling Game, and then he had fighting Sukuna, supporting Gojo-sensei - and now he has nothing but the time to dwell and let himself sink further and further into his own despair. He is unshakable, this won't break him forever, but he also knows that this was a long time coming. He can barely breathe with it, his hurt and his ache making him want to never leave the hotel room again. If he stays, he won't have to face them - their hurt, their pity, their frustration, their irritation with him, for lying, for hiding this, for not being strong enough.
He's never strong enough. He couldn't even kill Mahito. What is the point of his existence, beyond being a part in the stupid machine of sorcery? He had the belief, once, that he could be a sorcerer, could be something good for this world, and in the end...
What has he done with his life, to make it worth saving?
It's a long, long time between Nanami's text and Yuji's reply as he tries to wrest himself back into control. It takes too many minutes, and he is sure that Nanami will be getting worried by now. The messages come, one after the other, in a little rush of heartache. ]
im sorry nanamin
i understand
i felt that way when you
yeah